


I don't deserve you

by katychan666



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is sorry, M/M, Magnus as well, Post 2x17, Working things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 21:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11609346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: [Post 2x17]After the fight, Alec feels terrible and goes over to Magnus, wanting to work things out. Magnus is still feeling betrayed, but knows that he said some terrible things as well. They apologise to each other and are on a good path of working things out.





	I don't deserve you

**Author's Note:**

> Again, the new episode inspired me to write this. I know that the angst is going to continue (at least from what I can tell from the promos), but I decided to ignore that. I just want my babies to be happy ;-;

''Magnus, open the door!'' said Alec for what it felt like the hundredth time. He was standing in front of Magnus' apartment, wanting to have a talk with Magnus after the fight they had. Alec tried calling his boyfriend, but the other one wouldn't pick up his calls or reply to his texts. To some extent, the Shadowhunter knew that he deserved the silent treatment, but at the same time, he thought that it wasn't fair. What Magnus said stuck to him and he was dying to have a talk about it. Robert had put him in such difficult position that the young Shadowhunter really didn't know what to do. He didn't meant to lie to the warlock, but at the same time he was still the Head of the Institute. That sometimes clouded his judgment of what was right or wrong. Also, by keeping the Soul Sword secret from Magnus, he thought that he was keeping him safe. If Magnus knew about it, then Valentine might want try to hurt him again?

Because Alec received no reply, he sighed and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes for a few moments and then formed loose fists with his hands, trying to think of a way to get Magnus to talk to him. He knew that the warlock was home, he could hear the footsteps around the apartment; Magnus was walking around his home in circles, just as conflicted as the Shadowhunter himself. Alec knew that he had hurt his lover far too many times and he felt horrible about it. But, he couldn't help it. Just what was he supposed to do with that information that Robert gave him? He didn't want to blame his father for getting him into this mess, but at the same time, it was easier to blame it on someone else. Deep inside, Alec knew that it was his own fault; he should had known better, he should have trusted Magnus. Then on the other hand, he did trust the other; with all his heart. He really did just want to keep him safe.

Alec then slowly sank down to the floor and sighed again, taking his phone into his hands and he chewed on his lower lip when he saw that Magnus was still ignoring him. Wanting to confirm that Magnus was really home, Alec quickly tapped onto Magnus' name among his contacts and his heart started beating faster when he heard Magnus' phone ringing on the other side of the door. Judging by how loud Alec could hear Magnus' ring-tone that told him that the other must've been standing close to the door and he quickly straightened himself up, going to the door again, knocking onto it again. He wasn't taking no for an answer; he and Magnus were going to talk about it. He needed to explain himself properly to his boyfriend; Alec was sick of his own half-assed apologies. It wasn't really a surprise that Magnus couldn't keep up with him and he couldn't blame him. Alec knew that he was a lousy boyfriend, but then again, he lacked experience in that department. A lot.

“Magnus, please open the door. I'm begging you,” tried the Shadowhunter again and leaned against the door. “I know that you're listening to me, so please,” he pleaded and bowed his head down. “Just listen to me. I need to explain it to you why I kept the Soul Sword secret from you. After that, I'll be on my way back to the Institute if my presence annoys you so much. I wouldn't blame you, but I just,” said Alec, speaking fast and uncollected. That was the first time that their fight had been so serious and Alec struggled to breathe when that realisation started sinking in. No matter how much he fucked up in the past, Magnus always forgave him and was understanding. But even a man like Magnus had his limits and Alec was afraid that he had overstepped them. For the first time he thought that Magnus wouldn't forgive him. Again, Alec didn't blame him, but just knowing that made Alec panic.

“Magnus, please!”

Magnus was standing on the other side of the door, a hand on the doorknob, gripping it. He had almost opened the door when he heard the desperation in Alec's voice, but then didn't and just leaned his forehead against the door. When his phone started ringing, he didn't even bother getting it from his pocket, because he knew who it was. Alec. He had been calling him for the entire day and Magnus clenched his jaw as he tried not to give into forgiving Alec so easily. The warlock felt betrayed after he found out that Alec had lied to him. Just a few days before, he trusted Alec enough to let him know all about his horrible past and now he didn't know if he could ever trust him again. Up until then, Alec had always been honest with him, no matter how hard things had been.

Magnus was appalled when Alec said that he shouldn't take things so personally. Just how was he about to take it when a person wanted him dead only for being a Downworlder? However, Magnus was aware that he had said some terrible things as well. Comparing Alec to the Clave was completely uncalled for. Even though he felt betrayed, Magnus knew that Alec had to have a reason for not telling him that the Clave didn't have the Soul Sword. Alec wouldn't keep that from him on purpose. Lucian was right; despite all that had happened, Alec was still on their side. Luke's words made the warlock realise some things and in the end he managed to calm down and didn't go through with making plans to pay the Seelie queen another visit. The woman wasn't so easily to be trusted, so once he calmed down and saw things more rationally, he agreed with Luke. However, his anger with Alec was still present and he didn't know if he could face him any time soon.

As Magnus heard Alec's another plead, his heart fell to the pit of his stomach, almost unlocking the door. However, he then reminded himself that he should teach Alec a lesson for a change and even though Alec's knocks had gotten louder and more frantic, the warlock just walked away and went into his bedroom, decided to call it a day. He was sure that Alec would give up eventually and go back to the Institute. With that on his mind, Magnus climbed onto the bed and tried his best to sleep.

However, Alec didn't go back home. His stubborn side came in handy for a change and even though Magnus didn't unlock the door, Alec sat back down onto the floor and decided to wait for his boyfriend there. He was bound to open the entrance door sooner or later. Knowing that he was probably in for a long wait, Alec tried his best to make himself comfortable as he leaned back against the cold wall. He brought his knees up to his chin and then crossed his arms on top of his chest, closing his eyes. As he waited there, Alec's eyes had gotten heavy and he was beyond exhausted. He wasn't surprised really; he had been working for the entire day and his body was craving for a good night sleep. The Shadowhunter turned onto his side, still sitting up and then squeezed himself against the wall, hugging his body and shivered, feeling cold. Alec cursed himself for not taking his jacket with him. Well, even if he would have it, it wouldn't do him much good. However, despite the coldness, his exhaustion got the best of him and he ended up falling into restless sleep.

Magnus couldn't sleep that night. How could he? With Alec and the Soul Sword constantly on his mind, sleep felt out of reach. Magnus was terrified; what if Valentine had the Sword and he would activate it again? What if he would destroy the whole Downworld? A lump formed in the warlock's throat and suddenly he couldn't just lie in his bed anymore. Magnus quickly made his way to his living room and poured himself a bit of whiskey, in a hope that that would calm him down. He emptied the glass almost immediately and then forced out a sad laugh; he felt terribly lonely and he looked down. Why did Alec have to be so thick skulled at times? Magnus wished that Alec was with him at that moment; the Shadowhunter managed to calm him down and make him safe. The warlock walked back to his sofa and started thinking again. Nervously, Magnus started biting his nails, chipping his perfect manicure, but cared for none of that. Magnus Bane was scared. No, he was terrified.

He spent another hour there, just sitting down and thinking. It wasn't until he heard something moving at the door and all of the colour left his face. It was in the middle of the night, so it wouldn't make sense for someone else than Valentine to pay him a visit. Still wanting to make sure who it was, Magnus snapped with his fingers, having his magic ready to attack and he then walked to the door. He couldn't see anyone through the door viewer, so he just opened the door and barely stopped himself from attacking the person with his magic. His eyes went wide when he looked down and saw Alec curled up in a ball, sitting on the floor next to his door. The younger one was asleep, but Magnus could tell that the other was restless. He was shivering and Magnus sighed, shaking his head. Alec didn't go back home like he thought he would and he didn't know what to do. He didn't have the energy to deal with Alec, but he didn't have the heart to let him sleep there either.

 

In the end, Magnus leaned down, got onto his knees and decided to wake Alec up. His heart started beating faster when he touched Alec's arm; he was cold. Only then the warlock noticed that Alec was shivering from coldness; he was wearing only his T-shirt. Worried for his boyfriend's well-being, Magnus conjured a spell with his magic that would warm Alec up and then he gently shook Alec's shoulder. “Alexander, wake up,” said Magnus softly and Alec was awake pretty soon, his tired eyes opening.

It took Alec a while to realise where he was and when he did, he quickly straightened himself up. He didn't know how long he had been asleep for, but he wasn't about to ask. He looked up at Magnus and sadness crept back into his heart when he looked into the warlock's eyes. Usually when he'd look into his eyes, he would only see love and affection in them. However, this time, it was different. There was still love present in his eyes, but he could see a glint of betrayal in them as well and Alec quickly looked away, because it hurt too much to see Magnus look at him that way. He gritted his teeth and his heart felt heavy. Alec noticed that he wasn't cold anymore and when he felt a gentle tingle on his arms, he knew that Magnus was probably using his magic to keep him warm. God, how amazing was he? Even though Magnus was angry with him, he still cared enough.

“What are you doing here at this hour?” asked Magnus softly and then got back onto his legs, straightening his clothes. “You should go home, Alec,” said the warlock and Alec quickly shook his head, not wanting to leave without making things good between them. “Listen to me,” started the older one again and then made a short pause before speaking again. “We're both tired, it's been a long day.”

“I can't,” stammered the Shadowhunter. “I don't want to leave when we're fighting,” he then added. He understood that Magnus probably needed some space, but still. “I'm staying here,” he then said determined. “We can talk in the morning, but I'm not planning on leaving your place,” stated Alec stubbornly.

“Don't be silly,” said Magnus, annoyed. “You don't really mean on spending the whole night in front of my apartment, do you?” asked the warlock, but Alec's silence said it all. Also, Magnus knew just how determined Alec could be and he just shook his head in disbelief. Was Alec trying to guilt trip him into letting him inside?

“I'm sorry,” whispered the younger one and felt horrible when he saw that he made Magnus' anger worse.

Magnus stepped back into his apartment, but then clicked with his tongue. Alec's silent apology got the best of him and he went back to Alec, looking at him. “Come inside then,” said Magnus and Alec looked up at him wide-eyed. “I can't have you sleeping in front of my door. Just what are the neighbours going to think,” said the warlock and Alec felt another stab at his heart. Magnus sounded very annoyed with him and he just silently nodded, got onto his legs and went inside. Magnus followed him, locked the door and then arched an eyebrow when he saw Alec going to the couch and laying down.

Thinking that Magnus wanted nothing to do with him, Alec decided to make himself as invisible as possible. He knew that Magnus wouldn't want to share the bed with him that night, Alec just silently went into the living room and lied onto the couch. Maybe then Magnus would be less annoyed with him. It made sense in Alec's opinion, so he quickly laid down and turned around, closing his eyes. Magnus, on the other hand, just watched him and shook his head. He didn't get what the other was doing. Didn't he say that he wanted to talk? Was that another lie as well? Magnus took in a deep breath and bit into his lower lip. He was taking things too extreme. Deep inside he knew that Alec wanted to talk, but was just too scared of upsetting him again.

“What are you doing?” asked Magnus, softer this time and walked to Alec, who squeezed himself against the couch and just shrugged.

“Going to sleep,” announced the hunter and swallowed thickly. “You said that you were tired, right? Well, I don't want to keep you up, so I'm just going to crash here. B-but if you mind me being here so much,” he said and looked over his shoulder, the look in his eyes breaking Magnus' heart. “Then I'll be on my way. I mean I know you don't want me here, but-”

“Alexander,” said Magnus, only realising it then how hurt the other was. Magnus almost slapped himself; he was so focused on himself that he didn't even think how his actions were hurting Alec; the man that he loved more than he loved himself. “That's not what I meant,” he said softly and then walked to the couch. “The couch's not very comfortable, is it? You're not going to get much sleep if you sleep here. Come to the bed,” he then said, speaking much slower that time and he gripped his own sweatpants, taking in a deep breath.

Hearing that Magnus still cared so much after all of that, Alec just shook his head. “I don't deserve you,” whispered Alec, his voice barely audible, but still loud enough for Magnus to hear and the older one stiffened at those words, shivers running his spine. As Alec said that, Magnus' anger and annoyance disappeared into thin air and his heart felt heavy again. “I keep fucking things up and you always forgive me,” said the younger one and gripped one of the pillows, pressing it tightly against his chest. Even though he was turned back from the warlock, Magnus could tell that Alec was probably fighting back the tears. “And no matter what I do, I keep messing things up,” he said. “I'm not doing it on purpose, but it seems that no matter what I do, I always end up hurting you. I'm the worst boyfriend ever.”

Magnus sat down onto the couch as well and then placed a hand on top of Alec's head. Regretting his words from their fight before, Magnus felt horrible as well. This time, they were both at fault for the fight; Alec shouldn't have kept the secret from him. Magnus, on the other hand, shouldn't have said what he had said. He knew that Alec was trying his best, he just lacked experience and Magnus knew that he should realise that sooner. “I know you're trying your best, Alexander,” said Magnus and made a short pause. “But you shouldn't bring yourself down and-”

“It's not good enough, I need to be better,” said Alec, interrupting Magnus. “You know, after all I've put you through, I wouldn't be surprised that you'd come to hate me,” he then said.

“Hate you? Never. I love you and there's nothing that would make me hate you,” said Magnus. “And this is exactly what scares me. I love you so much that it scares me,” he then muttered and Alec's eyes widened.

“But I betrayed you. And-”

“You were only doing what you thought was the wisest thing to do,” said the warlock. “But, yes, you should have told me sooner, Alexander. That is also true. However,” said Magnus and made a short pause. “Lucian made me realise some things, I've overreacted before as well. I said some things that I shouldn't have. I know you're trying and I shouldn't have compared you to the Clave. And I'm sorry for that.”

“Don't apologise, you were right,” said Alec. “I was selfish for not telling you about it immediately. But I didn't mean to betray you. I, uh, I was trying to keep you safe,” stammered Alec and finally turned around, the tears in his eyes making Magnus choke up as well. “I wanted to let you know, but my dad put me in such a position... and I again didn't listen to my heart and was just thinking about my _angelic_ duties,” said Alec and shook his head. “I'm so tired about having to worry about so many things. Running the Institute is putting too much stress on me. I-”

“I understand, darling,” said Magnus, much, much softer this time. “Before... like I said... I've said some cruel things to you too,” said the warlock. “I... with the Soul Sword being out there, I'm scared, Alexander,” whispered Magnus and looked Alec into his eyes. As Magnus showed his vulnerable side again, Alec sat up and chewed on his lower lip, his stomach twisting. “Well, terrified,” he then confessed, his lower lip trembling. “And I took my anger out on you. Some of it was justified, but not all of it. You didn't deserve everything that I said.”

“It's completely understandable that you're terrified.” Alec gently touched Magnus' shoulder, gently squeezing it. “I won't let Valentine hurt you ever again. Or any other people for that matter,” said Alec and gritted his teeth. “I'll keep you safe, that's a promise,” heard himself say Alec. “And for a change, I promise to keep it.”

“Alexander,” breathed out Magnus and scooted closer to his boyfriend. “You should be more worried about yourself. Valentine's plan isn't just killing the Downworld. If anything was about to happen to you, I-”

“You're more important to me,” blurted out Alec. “You're my first priority and-” started explaining the younger one, but was cut off when he suddenly felt Magnus' lips on his. Magnus felt his heart shaking when Alec said that he was his number one and that was enough to melt the warlock's heart. He had finally calmed down completely and couldn't help but to kiss his boyfriend when he heard those words coming out of his mouth. God, he loved Alec so much. Too much; it almost hurt how much he cared for the young man.

“M-Magnus?” stammered Alec in confusion when Magnus pulled back.

“You're my number one too,” said Magnus against Alec's lips and then pressed his forehead against Alec's. “Look,” he said and looked up again, Alec this time not looking away. “I've forgiven you. I just hope that you can find a way to forgive me as well and-”

“There's nothing to forgive,” whispered Alec and crashed their lips together, Magnus returning the kiss as well. “I love you,” said the Shadowhunter, pressing a kiss onto Magnus' temple. “So much,” giving Magnus' lips another peck. “You're literally the best thing that had happened to me,” he said, giving Magnus' cheek a kiss as well. “I don't know what I did to deserve you.”

“I love you too,” was the only thing that Magnus could say back. “You deserve everything and so much more, love,” said the warlock then and Alec shifted his gaze a bit, not really agreeing. But, he didn't say anything.

They stayed like that for a few moments, talking about things; about the Soul Sword, their future and many other things. It wasn't until it was morning already that Magnus took Alec to his bedroom, climbed into the bed with him and curled up next to him. Within a few moments, both of them were soundly asleep next to each other, holding onto each other, their fingers linked as they slept. Things might not have been perfect quite yet, but they were on a good path of working things out and that was all that it matter. While Magnus needed more time to trust Alec again, Alec still had so many things to learn, but at least in that moment, things were peaceful, quiet and _perfect._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Comments and opinions are well appreciated ^^


End file.
